When I had Eli, I started experiencing a kind of love that hurt. It was confusing. I would just look at Eli, and my heart actually felt pain. There was nothing wrong with him; he was healthy and content, but this new-found emotion actually came with physical discomfort. All of the sudden, I was completely aware that this little person was mine. And helpless. And wonderful. And I loved him. With a protective, furious love. And with everyday God gives me with him, I love him more and more. And my heart expands to hold this love.
Being a mom has taught me selfless love. True selfless love. And I'm trying to love both of my men selflessly. The world portrays love as little more than an emotional high. Something to be held hostage, given only if reciprocated perfectly. And then given to someone else if it loses it's excitement with time. It's little wonder that people "grow apart".
My husband is my best friend. I try everyday to think of new ways I can show him how much I love and appreciate him. And we've been given the amazing privilege of raising this wonderful little man together. Who knows what God has in store for us in the future, maybe another little one. The "emotional high" has long since worn off, but it has been replaced by much more incredible emotions. Feelings of deep respect and love and excitement and security and wonder for the future all wrapped up together into my commitment to him. And to our family. And I will guard our family with the same protective, furious passion that God revealed to me through Eli.
And I pray that each day God shows me how to love even more.
You put in words how I felt when Mandi was born but I had never really written it out. Which is weird since I think of myself as a writer. Keep cherishing this time. It literally flies.
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