a conversation

Me: "Eli, do you want a little brother or sister?"
Eli: "Uh huh."
Me: "Do you want Mommy and Daddy to have a boy or a girl?"
Eli: "A boy and a girl."
Me: "Oh, so you want Mommy and Daddy to have one of each?"
Eli: "Uh huh!... ...and a puppy."

love

Valentine's Day is a few days away, and I find myself thinking about the two men in my life. And about love. And wondering how much more love I could give. And how the world's idea of love is so narrow.

When I had Eli, I started experiencing a kind of love that hurt. It was confusing. I would just look at Eli, and my heart actually felt pain. There was nothing wrong with him; he was healthy and content, but this new-found emotion actually came with physical discomfort. All of the sudden, I was completely aware that this little person was mine. And helpless. And wonderful. And I loved him. With a protective, furious love. And with everyday God gives me with him, I love him more and more. And my heart expands to hold this love.

Being a mom has taught me selfless love. True selfless love. And I'm trying to love both of my men selflessly. The world portrays love as little more than an emotional high. Something to be held hostage, given only if reciprocated perfectly. And then given to someone else if it loses it's excitement with time. It's little wonder that people "grow apart".

My husband is my best friend. I try everyday to think of new ways I can show him how much I love and appreciate him. And we've been given the amazing privilege of raising this wonderful little man together. Who knows what God has in store for us in the future, maybe another little one. The "emotional high" has long since worn off, but it has been replaced by much more incredible emotions. Feelings of deep respect and love and excitement and security and wonder for the future all wrapped up together into my commitment to him. And to our family. And I will guard our family with the same protective, furious passion that God revealed to me through Eli.

And I pray that each day God shows me how to love even more.

me and Neil

When I was growing up, my Mama was quite smitten with Neil Diamond. So it was pretty common to hear his music drifting through our house several days a week. I think it's safe to say that his albums were the soundtrack to my childhood. And because of this, I have a love for his songs that few of my peers do. Or at least few that I know of.

Now that I'm several hundred miles from my family, I listen to his songs more than I think I would if I were near them. It makes me feel like I'm home again. I'm sure anyone reading this has music that does the same for them. It's such a good feeling, a safe feeling. A reminder of times when all the members of my family...got along better...but then that's a whole other blog post (which won't happen, btw ;)

It's funny to see Jim's reaction to hearing Neil playing sometimes. He is, in the truest sense, a child-of-the-eighties when it comes to music. Hair bands, metal, progressive...you get the idea. For him to walk in to Neil singing one of his funky songs...it's hilarious. Of course, I get the same reaction to emo or country...

I find myself wondering what the soundtrack to Eli's childhood will be. Only he will be able to determine that when he's older, but Lord knows he has exposure to anything and everything here. I seriously can't think of any style we don't listen to in this family. We stay away from anything crude or vulgar, but between Jim and I, we literally cover every style of music.

I'm in no rush to find out, mind you. I'm loving every minute of Eli's childhood and plan to extend it as much as time allows me to. I just hope whatever he listens to when that day comes gives him the same warm, comforting feelings that Neil gives me :)